


Zantedeschia

by lilacnightmares



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Burns, Crack Treated Seriously, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Insecurities, Maid Ray, Maids, Post VAE, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Scars, V After Ending, VAE Ray (Mystic Messenger)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-16
Updated: 2021-03-18
Packaged: 2021-03-24 09:09:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 13,260
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30069960
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilacnightmares/pseuds/lilacnightmares
Summary: Ray wanted to make something of his life after the accident. It's tough getting anyone to take him seriously or getting anyone to be willing to hire someone like him. His scar and memories from Mint Eye still haunt him; but, maybe that will finally come to change now that he's been hired on to work at your family's bed and breakfast.Maid Ray x Reader
Relationships: Choi Saeran/Reader
Comments: 8
Kudos: 28





	1. Chapter 1

It was a little ridiculous. 

Well, that was probably putting it lightly but one thing was for certain, Ray never expected that when he got hired, his uniform was going to be of the maid variety. He wasn’t going to complain about it, it was just a dress. It wasn’t like it was the end of the world. This was the only place that had been okay with hiring someone like him. 

Someone like him meaning someone who came with a lot of baggage. He didn’t have any work history that he could justifiably place on paper and it wasn’t like he graduated from schooling. That wasn’t to forget the fact that much of the country knew about who he was and who his brother was thanks to the actions that… Rika took on live television.

Saeyoung didn’t want Ray to leave the house, much less worry about providing for himself when Jumin was all too happy to help them out now. Saeyoung was working hard at C&R most of the time but when he was home, it was hard for Ray to be around him. 

It wasn’t that he hated his brother, he was in therapy, and he was trying to work past the roadblocks that had been burned into him back at Mint Eye.

But, therapy and immersion were only so much. It felt like he was suffocating in that bunker more than he wanted. All he wanted to do was do something that made him feel like he was providing something and he wasn’t just laying around with his thoughts. 

He had a certain set of skills and he wanted to put them to use. Saeran wasn’t as keen on the idea that would put them at risk in more ways than one. Even though two years and some extra time had been able to pass since those final days, Saeran was still a constant hum in the back of his mind. He was the one struggling the most being around Saeyoung. 

Saeran never admitted it outright, but his anger, as they had come to understand it, was there because he wanted to protect them. It wasn’t always the right thing to do. It wasn’t always good for them to go and shove everyone away to keep from being hurt. They just weren’t living if they ignored everything in their lives and stayed alone.

They could never be happy and free if they never took the chance to live in the first place. Saeran did mean well, even if his irritation at everything around them was… palpable and sometimes warranted if it was the right circumstance. It was easier now than it had been in the past, simply because trying to explain to everyone that he wasn’t Saeran had taken a lot out of Ray. 

Saeyoung seemingly took that realization a lot better than he and Saeran expected. Jihyun had taken a while to figure it out. They had spent those two years recovering with V trying to work on the itch that hissed at them to destroy and hurt the things that hurt them, only to realize that Saeyoung wasn’t cruel or evil. 

Just knowing that they were being acknowledged separately and that their feelings mattered was a lot to take in all at once. Sometimes it felt like life was a twisted joke when it ran around like that. Things that you think that you have under control wind up turning into something that you completely misunderstood.

It hadn’t been his fault or Saeran’s fault. Things were a lot more complicated than that and he had to be honest with himself. Learning that was far harder than trying to accept that everything that they once knew was no longer with them. Trying to build that real sense of control and freedom when you didn’t know what to do with it was what lead to this moment. 

At least, they knew that their identities were respected, no matter who they were or what they did. It was strange to admit that people did care about them. Ray didn’t interact much with the RFA or the people that Saeyoung was close with. 

A lot of that had to do in part with his shame over what he had done in the past, and another part was simply because it was too awkward now. 

Being around them… meant a chance that he would be around them. He couldn’t be around them anymore. It wasn’t that he hated them, no, he was happy that they were happy and safe with Jihyun since he treated them well and made them happy; but, his heart ached when he thought of them and how he subjected them to hearing those… final moments. 

All because of a selfish wish on his part.

He wore a mark from that day forever on his body, a mark that would always remind him that he was broken. Saeran would kick him in the side for feeling about it in that manner, but it was the truth. It was how he felt about himself. It was a constant reminder. He didn’t forget and nobody would ever look at him as an average man.

He avoided mirrors and he tried not to go out often where he would meet stares. 

Much of the scarring was on his shoulders and back, but the part that he couldn’t cover up was from his neck to his cheek. The doctors had told him that he was lucky that it hadn’t burned its way into his eyes as well. But, he would have accepted it if they did. The memory of ash and brimstone in his lungs as he woke up from that accident haunted him even now. 

So, that’s why he was here. 

That’s why he was outside of the bunker and doing this job. It gave him something to do and it made sure that he wasn’t thinking about his body. It made sure that he wasn’t thinking about the things that didn’t belong to him and it made sure that he was able to just… pretend, if even for a moment that he was able to live an average life. 

That was what everyone kept trying him to try to strive for on his good days and that’s the best that he could offer. 

He knew that even if he couldn’t help himself cope with his loss—

Ray could always turn back on what he did best and that was work. 

He was a hard worker by all accounts and every ounce of his energy was dedicated to the small details that mattered. He could cook, he could clean, and he knew how to mask his feelings for the most part as long as the job got done in record time. He had only been working for this family for the past couple of weeks, but they were kind to him. 

If he knew how to do anything, it was putting his abilities to use where it benefited other people. It was for a good cause this time around, though. He didn’t have to fixate or worry about things blowing out of proportion anymore. It was a small bed and breakfast that operated over a tiny chunk of land. It was a bit out of the way from the rest of the city.

That was part of the reason why Ray liked it so much. 

He could feel the sunshine against his cheek whenever he was going about his business. There were the sounds of birds and other wildlife, as well as a healthy garden in the back that made him feel at home. It wasn’t like he didn’t have his little one back around the bunker. 

It was just… different to be in an actual garden. 

This one was different from the one that he was used to, the arrangements and care… the colors, and the vibrancy. All of it was tended to be the owner’s child. He had stopped by this building to check out the gardens and fully intended on asking them if he could tend to the grounds, but as it’d turned out, they had covered but what they didn’t have was a maid. 

So, that’s how he wound where he was today. He was dressed like a maid because he was a maid, and he was doing the one thing that he knew how to do. Follow orders and clean up whenever he had to do it. It wasn’t too hard, all he had to do was tend to the care of rooms that needed cleaning after a guest left or maintain the state of cleanliness. 

Thus far, nobody had complained about his work ethic. If anything, he had gotten compliments for how committed he was to serve everyone’s needs, even if it put him into more trouble or got him to do things that weren’t his task to take care of. 

He had a hard time telling people no, and while there would be times that Saeran dug in his heels and got him to say it, it wasn’t often. 

Whether it was making sure that people got extra blankets or pillows, whatever it was, he was always on top of it. Nobody ever had a bad experience as long as Ray was around to take care of things. It was, for the most part, a job without thanks. However, Ray didn’t need thanks to know that he was doing very good work. 

In the part, he was so desperate to hear that he was good enough, and now he was learning that he didn’t need to hear it every day. He had to learn how to know it himself. How to know that he did matter no matter what he contributed. Still, there were times when he did receive thanks from very kind guests. 

Not everyone was kind, though. 

Oftentimes, he would feel looks of shame or pity from others. It was just a fact of life that he had scars from his past. He tried to ignore their eyes on him, but no matter what Ray did, he always knew that every time a person looked at him, they were going to see his scars before they saw him.

It was just one of those things that he had to accept.

He liked to pretend that the eyes were on him these days because of the dress he was wearing, though. It reminded him of his brother, how he liked to dress up and feel good about himself. Ray didn’t get to experience whatever sense of euphoria that Saeyoung did when he wore a wig, makeup, or a dress, but he had found that he didn’t mind it as much as he thought he would.

It was quite freeing. 

Not that he was ready to openly admit that. Though Ray liked to cover his body most of the time, the fact that he had more range to move around and get his work done this way was nothing to scoff at. It turned out that he was a lot more comfortable than he thought. He just would never admit to his twin that he had a uniform like this. 

He didn’t want to open that can of worms. He could already hear Saeyoung and whatever commentary he had prepared and that was the last thing he wanted, and Saeran would’ve made such a fuss if it came down to it. It was better left with the idea that he separated his life at work and home. It was easier and less trouble that way. 

There was just one thing that made his job difficult. It wasn’t the stares, it wasn’t the workload, and it wasn’t interacting with other people even though he felt socially stunted. 

It was the fact that he felt something that he thought he would never feel again, and that feeling was dangerous. It was one he tried to bury away after he got this scar.

But as it turned out, Ray was capable of feeling affection for another person again, and that person turned out to be you. You, the gardener for your family’s property, who had been smiling at him from your spot outside every other day you dropped by when he was working. 

It had started so small, he had been cleaning the windows and you had been tending to the flowers just outside. 

He didn’t realize that you were there until he wiped away the distortion of the cleaner, staring at you with widened mint eyes as you stared back at him, curious, intrigued, and then you smiled back at him and laughed. You gave a small wave and continued about your business, not knowing that you had left his heart fluttering a mile a minute. 

You had no idea what you had just done to his heart. You had made him feel a clench and a pinch that he had not felt since… 

Ray tried to brush aside that feeling but it just kept happening over and over and over again. It wasn’t like he could avoid you now. Your parents owned this place and you were a constant fixture even if you didn’t live with them anymore. It wasn’t just one fluke encounter that he had with you. Ray wanted to write it off like that, but he couldn’t. 

The second time something happened, you had wandered into the kitchen at the same time as Ray and were grabbing a few things from the supply closet. You paused in the doorway and complimented his handiwork with what he had just cooked for lunch. You had said something along the lines of, “Wow, that looks so good. I’m jealous I can’t have a bite!” 

Ray had been so stunned by hearing the sound of your voice no longer distorted by a thick glass that he had only been able to nod his head and smile weakly. He felt like a fool. But, you didn’t seem to think a single thing of how tense he was. 

Had you ever noticed how reactive he was to every little sound and all the little creaks on the floor? 

The third time you encountered him, you had caught him carrying one too many things and taken half of his stack off his hands to help him deliver them. He tried to reassure you that he was fine, but you’d shaken your head and said that it was alright, that you used to do these things to help out before you’d moved out. His face felt strangely warm when you said that it was no big deal. 

Nobody had ever told Ray that he could ask for help or that he deserved help. He was always doing things on his own and trying to figure them out before something exploded. So, was this what it felt like to live an average life where everyone seemingly could help others without asking? It was so very selfless. 

It didn’t feel right for him to be on the receiving end. 

The fourth time that he encountered you, you had caught him wandering through the garden. He had noticed that something was looking a little worse for wear, so he had stopped to try and mend the dead portion of the plant to give it a better chance. 

You had caught him red-handed, teasing him that he had done a good job there, and if he was hiding any more talents, your parents might just hire him to take care of everything. He didn’t understand that that was a joke at first until you laughed at his confused expression and pressed a hand to his shoulder. It felt like a spark when you touched it. 

So, he gasped, and you pulled your hand away gently. His heart was still racing as you admitted to him that you were having some trouble with the rest of the garden, and you weren’t sure who to turn to, to ask for help. Shutting away that feeling of a wildfire, he offered you some help in the garden, helping you to locate and discern trouble for a few hours. 

You listened to him and hung on every single word. Your eyes never once rested anywhere but his eyes and that was the part that made him feel… something. Something that he couldn’t explain. You’d not once looked at his scars. You had only stared at his eyes the entire time you’d known him. It was the one feature of yours that he admired as well.

Your eyes were filled with warmth and sincerity. He wasn’t sure if you knew it, though. Your kindness was always directed at the world. It seemed like you hadn’t known what it felt like to be somebody as beaten down and broken as him, but what you did know was how to share your smile with others. It was contagious. 

You had never said a word to him that wasn’t positive. You were always saying good things about him and speaking to him as if you would to anyone else. It didn’t make sense. It just didn’t make sense. You wisted up his heart and made him unsure of his every action and reaction. What was it about you that made his heart flutter? 

The fifth time that you spoke with him, it happened late at night just as he was getting ready to head back home for the evening. You caught him by the doorway and held out a small parcel for him. It was quite small but it was still something of interest, so he took it from you and after some prodding, was able to open it up.

And to his surprise, it was a bundle of seedlings. Though it was dark, he could see that there was something about the way that you were looking at him. You smiled and waved away any of what you assumed to be confusion. “These are… some of the seedlings from the Calla Lillies you helped me to save the other day, I thought that it was only fair that I share some of them back with you since you saved all of them. I don’t know if I would’ve been able to help them if it wasn’t for you, Ray.” 

Ray hadn’t known what to say to you. His heart sped up and his hands felt like they were shaking, but he took the gift from you with the smile he could muster as not to worry you. “I’ll cherish them in my garden as well.” 

And he meant it. 

It was funny that you handed him lilies of all things, these born and bred of the same fate that said a pure heart and nurturing soul could hold their tender care. If anyone was the true innocent caretaker of these lilies, it was you and your loving hand. He had done nothing but adjust a few things in the soil for you. 

The rest of the care they received? 

That was all of your doing. 

Every interaction he had with you felt more amazing than the last. Your smile had infected his life and made him feel like he was somebody that could be worthy of something. When Ray was able to have a chance to speak with you or even see you, it felt like the entire day had been worth it. The longer he knew you, the more he wanted to be around you.

He would continue to find more and more excuses to come to work, even when he didn’t need to be there just to see you. You never told him to leave or go away. You always welcomed him with open arms and a laugh. Your family was just the same. They were kind people and they had given him a chance that he never thought he would receive. 

Ray was a man marked by a past of trauma and abuse and misdeeds, but you didn’t see any of that. All you saw was a friend that you had come to appreciate. The longer this went on, the more that he had to realize that he was walking a dangerous line. Even Saeran warned him that he was going to get hurt one more time because he opened his heart again.

Hadn’t he learned his lesson the first time with… them? 

Yet, even though Ray had been burned for his first love, he didn’t want to believe that he would be burned on his second love. It didn’t take away from his fears, though. Nothing would ever make him truly unafraid of opening his heart. He knew that to love, he had to be willing to accept that pain and grief would come with it. 

His hesitation to take forward had him making more and more mistakes at work whenever he saw you now. With a combination of his fears and what Saeran feared, it pushed him to try and pull away from you. He was doing a poor job of it, and he knew that it was affecting everything that he did at his job. 

Simple mistakes, things that he could have known better, made here and there. It felt like he was going to ruin his only chance at trying to make a life for himself his way. It all came to a head when he’d not watched his step, and tripped over the edge of a rug. He dropped the silver that he had been trying to carry and it clattered to the ground.

The sound made him wince as he expected to hit the ground just as hard as the object had, but he never felt an impact. Ray blinked in confusion until he realized that there were arms around his waist and a person had caught him before he’d hurt himself. Looking over his shoulder he realized that you were the one that caught him. 

Was he that small? 

Was he that weak? 

And, although he didn’t want to think about it, the feeling of your arms wrapped around his body felt more right than anything else in his life ever had. Not even they had felt like this.

Instead of letting him go to stand on his own again, you helped him down to the floor because he felt so wobbly and uneven, and all he could do was look at the ground in shame. “Are you okay?” 

“...Yeah.”

He was making a fool of himself all over again. You were going to tell him that he was in trouble for making a mess. You were going to scold him and call him an ugly airhead. He could already hear that rejection in the back of his head. His mind washed over with those fears without his control, biting at the cusp of his heels. 

It wasn’t just today. 

He had made a mistake every day for the past week and he knew that at some point, it was going to get to a point where they couldn’t sustain someone who couldn’t provide proper care at the job. It was just a matter of time. 

He was preparing himself for being fired already and with those thoughts buzzing in the back of his head, he didn’t even see you appear in front of him.

You were sitting in front of him, your hands tentatively reaching out for him but you hesitated before you touched him, “Ray… is it okay if I touch you?”

Although he was wary of people, he knew that he could trust you. So, he managed a small nod of his head in response. So, with consent, you cupped his face in your hands and swiped away some of the tears that he hadn’t even realized had escaped him.

Your touch was so gentle and light against his scar that it almost wasn’t even there. 

Normally, the coarse skin made him grit his teeth and look for another sensation to wash away the feeling of those phantom burns. But this time? That feeling didn’t hit him at all. Your voice drew him back to life. “You’ve been having a really hard time lately, is everything okay?” 

“...?” 

“It’s okay if it isn’t,” you hurriedly covered your tracks to reassure him. “You don’t have to tell me anything. It’s just, I noticed that you’ve been having a hard time getting things done lately. You’re always taking on more things than I knew you can handle, so… are you burnt out from doing all of that?” 

Ray shook his head, “It’s… It’s not the work.” 

“Okay,” you said. 

It wasn’t the work. 

He knew that it wasn’t the work. It was one very simple fact. He didn’t feel like he was good enough to be close to someone as good as you. No matter what he did or said, how could he ever be good enough for you? This fleeting feeling in his chest that he had long tried to deny was the feeling of love. 

He had never thought he would love again.

But, Ray loved you. 

God, he loved you. That’s what this feeling was and that’s why he had felt like he couldn’t get close to you. That’s why every time he saw you now, he got distracted from his tasks and he wasn’t able to do anything right. 

It was because he was scared of getting hurt again or of hurting you in the way that he had hurt them.

You paused, “Something else, then. Ray, I’ve been really worried about you. I like being able to come back here to talk to you… but if something’s wrong, I’d like to be able to help you if I can. You know, like how you helped me with my flowers. I know that it’s not my place to get involved in your life but I’m… I’d like to think we’re friends who help each other.” 

You wanted to help him even though you didn’t understand everything. It was so like you to do something like that. You didn’t know how much of an angel you were to him. His hands fiddled with the fabric of the skirt underneath them as he tried to figure out what to do or what to say. He couldn’t just say that to you. 

Not after you said so warmly that you thought of him as a friend. 

“I don’t… I don’t want to burden you,” Ray managed. He knew that if he wasn’t careful, he was going to cry about this some more. He didn’t want to burden you. He didn’t want to make you see him pent up and wallowing in self-pity. “It’s nothing important.” 

“Ray, your feelings are important to me,” your hands slid free from his face as you grasped at his hands and smiled at him. “They are to my family, too, if you don’t know it. You’re just as much a part of my family now as my parents are. They’d say the same thing. You’ve helped us out in ways that you never had to. We appreciate you. If something is bothering you, trust me, I’ll listen to whatever it is.”

Just like the Calla Lily, you were something that gave life to the stars above without knowing what service you provided. 

Ray didn’t know that he had the strength to admit anything. But, he lifted your hands that were still firmly clasped around his own and stared at them. He couldn't meet your gaze. He wanted to, but your eyes were just too warm and bright for someone as burnt as he was. “It’s not about the work… it’s… it’s about something else.” 

And you waited for him to speak, not rushing him for a moment. 

“It’s… it’s about you, [Y/N].” 

“...About me, Ray?” 

“You didn’t do anything wrong,” he instantly blurted. He felt so mortified and ashamed of himself at that moment. “It’s… the problem is about you. The problem is about me. It’s always been about me and I’m sorry to bring this up when you’re just trying to be kind. I shouldn’t dump my problems on you. You’re far too kind for this.” 

You squeezed his hands. “I want to listen, Ray. You’re not a burden to me. I want to help you work out whatever’s wrong because you’re important to me. Our friendship matters so much to me. Nobody’s ever been as kind to me as you have and I cherish the time that we’ve spent together these past couple of weeks.” 

“...That’s the problem,” his voice was shallow and nearly inaudible as he started to voice out these thoughts of his. “The problem is that I care about you so much, and the last person that I cared about like this got hurt by me and I’m so scared of hurting you, that I— I can’t put these feelings on you like this. I don’t think I can get hurt again. I don’t think I can handle being hurt again.” 

“Ray, I would never hurt you,” you said. “At least, not intentionally. If I ever hurt your feelings, I would hope you would tell me so I could make things right. The same thing that I knew that you would do if you made a mistake. Mistakes happen all the time, Ray, we can’t live in fear of them or we’ll never live our lives.” 

That sound was the only thing keeping him afloat above that water that was threatening to pull him underneath the surface. No, you wouldn’t hurt him. But he would do impossible things and it would turn into a situation where he got burned again, and it would be his fault. 

He wanted to be close to you and at the time, he wanted to stay away. 

He didn’t know what the right thing to do was. All he wanted was to be by your side but his fears were keeping him from making good on that desire of his. You were the only person that had ever treated his fears and dreams like he wasn’t a broken man. 

He didn’t want to ruin that. 

He didn’t want to say that he loved you and ruin everything. Ray just knew that he didn’t want a day to go by without you knowing how much you meant to him, a mess like him, and no matter how ugly and broken he knew that he was, he was happy that you smiled at him every time you saw him. He was grateful for it. 

You were saying the same thing that he had been learning in counseling… that he needed to take risks to be happy. Could he be strong enough to take that risk with someone like you? You gently took him by the hand and led him outside into the gardens for fresh air where he was able to try and clear his mind of most of the distress. 

When he used to think about them… the love that he felt for them was real, but it was always thought with dread and anxiety. He feared losing them so much that he forced his feelings onto them, and even though they had a kind heart and understood that he was young and desperate for love, they still loved him, but not romantically. Just like a friend. 

And that stung, but he understood why. 

With you? 

There was never this lingering fear that he had to prove himself. From minute one, you had wanted to be his friend. You had held out your hand to him and smiled broadly. You told him that you were his friend and there had never been any doubt in his mind with you. The difference between them and you was simply that with you—

He knew that your friendship was built on something that wasn’t a lie. He knew that you were truthful no matter what he feared. The problem was that he didn’t know how to handle that, and he feared messing up. He didn’t want to mess up. He wanted things to turn out right for once in his life and he was making a mess of it right now. 

So, trying to be brazen, once he managed to collect his thoughts, Ray turned his attention back to you under the sunshine. It was a good cloudy day, not too much sun, and not too much heat. You looked back at him with that glowing smile that had stolen his head. As silly as he felt sometimes, with heated cheeks, this dress, and his pounding heart—

You grounded him and kept his feet on the ground. 

He had once lived in fantasies but you were making his fantasies feel like reality. 

“[Y/N],” he said, quietly. “The… the truth is… I… I’ve been having a hard time working because I like being around you so much. I get distracted from my work when I see you smile. My heart starts to go and race and I don’t know what to do. I forget everything I’m doing because all I can think about is how much I want to stand next to you.”

“I know that it’s silly and that it’s no excuse for my poor work lately but I… I care about you so much that I can’t imagine not seeing you every day. I’m always finding excuses to come and see you and do things for you because I like being close to you. I know that I’m just a scarred man and that I’m not good enough for someone as lovely as you but I—”

That was when you stopped him there. Your hand delicately brushing against his scar and you shook your head. “Ray, I don’t think you’re ugly. You’re very handsome. Scar or not, I’ve always thought you were pretty.” 

He could feel warmth beginning to spread across his face he realized that you were complimenting him of all people. Leaning over just a bit, you pressed your lips against his marred cheek with a smile. He didn’t have as much feeling in that part of his face anymore but he could’ve sworn that he felt your kiss. 

Your voice spoke softly next to his ear, “I know what you’re trying to say, Ray. You don’t have to say it if you’re not ready to… but, I feel the same way. I love being able to see you every day. I like being close to you, and if it’s okay with you, I’d love to explore being even closer to you.” 

Ray didn’t know what to say. He could feel those tears that had dried up starting to return to his face almost as quickly as they had left. He raised a hand and pressed it against yours as it lay against him right over his heart and he knew that you could feel the thundering beating from underneath the palm of your hand. 

Was this… you saying you felt the same? 

He couldn’t believe it but his thundering heart and racing mind hadn’t realized just what all of this meant just yet. He was too busy thinking about the way your smile stole every fiber of his being like a thief in the night that he allowed to escape. 

Your smile comforted him in ways he never imagined it to, “So, why don’t we start today? You haven’t taken a day off since you started working here and there’s a lovely cafe around the corner. I’d love to get a drink with you.”

“Yes,” he found himself whispering. “I would like that.” 


	2. Chapter 2

Saeran could say a lot of things about the way that life worked. He could tell you outright that it wasn’t fair and that he had been given the short end of the stick. He could tell you that he never asked to be in this life and that he never asked to be born in the first place. Yet, he was, and he had a job to do that was important by all accounts. 

Ever since the moment, he woke up, the singular thought that he had to protect them. It wasn’t quite clear who he had to protect at first, but it made itself known minute by minute the longer that he had to witness the events playing out in front of him. 

He couldn’t do anything at first, just grit his teeth as he was subjected to witnessing Ray being strangled over and over again. 

They had been abandoned. 

They had been left behind. 

They had to survive in hell if they even wanted to breathe. Mint Eye was supposed to be a haven that protected them but it wasn’t. Saeran knew that it wasn’t, but it was the only option that they had left and he was making the best of what he had been given. The savior had told them, no, Rika had told the two of them that their strength came from their despair and hatred. 

Ray was clutching tightly onto his kindness as hard as he could. Even though he was fully capable of letting go of it to do what he had to do, there was a part of him that was breaking down each moment that he had to do something worse. 

His stomach twisted in knots until he couldn’t breathe, and the more that he existed, the more that Saeran could feel that he was begging for help.

Yet, he persisted. Because he wanted someone to tell him that he was worth the trouble of being allowed to breathe. He worked himself into the ground day after day until his fingers bled and his joints ached from all of his studies, and Saeran saw all of it. 

He was there every step of the way, and at first, he felt like the only way to protect Ray was to degrade him. To… toughen him up. He thought that it was the right thing to do at the time. Every single time that he woke up when Ray was being punished in the basement, they would tell him the same thing over and over. 

That he needed to be stronger and to be stronger, he had to hold onto hatred. 

Saeran could do that. He could be angry, he could be spiteful, and he could do things that Ray couldn’t purely because it was his reason for being. He could still feel the pull of Ray’s begging calling out for him in the stormy sea of darkness that whirled in the back of their mind. 

He had always been there but… something had held him from reaching the surface until Ray suffered under pressure. He didn’t know why, he didn’t care why, and all he knew was that he was here to be the one that could fight and scream so that nobody hurt them. Ray would’ve withered in Mint Eye slowly over time until Saeran had to take more and more control if it wasn’t for… 

Them. 

The person that Ray fell in love with. 

Or rather, the person that Ray thought he was in love with. Saeran knew the truth, though. Ray had been in love with the idea of them. He had been in love with the fantasy that he had been allowed to create for himself. If it wasn’t for them, Ray might’ve suffered and withered away far faster than he’d been around now. 

His savior allowed him to daydream and think about this fantasy of a fairytale that he desired. She had said things to placate Ray, to make him obey. He wanted to be the precious prince to someone in need of rescue. He wanted to toil for someone so they would only know happiness and sweet feelings. 

It was a child’s dream but it was what Ray had clung to all this time to survive and Saeran knew what that had meant to him back then. 

But, Ray was never going to get that fairytale he deserved. Saeran knew that. He tried to make that clear with Ray but Ray always cried and kept dreaming. No matter how harsh Saeran was, Ray was never going to falter and crash as he should’ve. He could never be strong in the way that Rika had wanted for him. He was always going to be someone that wasn’t angry enough.

Because Ray clung to kindness and dreams despite gritting his teeth and lashing out when he didn’t get his way. The brat could lash out and hurt people, sure, but his heart was breaking the entire time it was happening. Ray could’ve hurt Saeyoung and Jihyun without mercy but it would’ve torn him down to ribbons. 

Ray had been able to torture Jihyun in the basement, and he thought for a thrilling moment that it had filled him with satisfaction when in reality, it left a gaping hole in his heart as he saw this man crawling in the dirt with dazed eyes and bile in his throat. Ray couldn’t see victory when he looked at Jihyun, no matter how broken the laugh was that escaped him at that moment. 

Because deep down, all Ray could see was a vision of himself hunched over and begging for the pain to stop. Ray’s weakness was that he had a conscience. He listened to it sometimes and for that reason, he couldn’t be what everyone wanted him to be. He would never be able to be what he was meant to be in this place. 

He would’ve destroyed himself by destroying the people around him that he was supposed to hate. It was all too clear to Saeran who had taken the passenger’s seat for some time. He knew the truth and he knew that Ray was always going to get hurt no matter what he did. 

He couldn’t be strong in the way that Saeran was strong. 

It was because they both were holding onto different ideals. Ray wanted to cling to the light because he wanted happiness and Saeran rejected the light because he was scared of what would happen if they did get happiness. They would be hurt even more. Saeran didn’t want to hurt again and he didn’t think his heart could survive breaking alongside Ray’s again. 

Love was a powerful thing but it was also a weakness. It could save you and at the same time, it could be the very thing that destroys you. 

And, in the end, Ray nearly allowed it to destroy him. Saeran had been resolute behind him, so he couldn’t say much about it. They had been abandoned by Jihyun, by Rika, and by Saeyoung… and even by them. They had all left them behind and expected them to… Saeran didn’t know what they expected Ray or himself to do. 

What Ray did know was that nobody was going to rescue him. Not even Saeran could protect them from this. Their life had meant nothing and their experiences had been for nothing. The only person that meant anything to him was ripped away from him and no matter how much they said that they cared for him, they would never love him the way they love Jihyun.

Being abandoned and left behind to rot like nothing mattered… twice. 

It was why Ray pulled the trigger for the bomb and made sure that everyone had left the building, and they sat there as the minutes ticked down to nothing. There had been a strange sense of peace washing over them at that moment. It felt like making that choice was going to make all the pain stop once and for all. 

He had been so tired for so long and unable to do anything but hiss and growl at everything that threatened the both of them. Ray couldn’t walk the darkness forever and Saeran didn’t see a way to protect them anymore. They couldn’t be hurt if they were gone and everyone had left them behind. 

Why not get rid of themselves before it was too late? That was what Ray had been thinking, and what he had accepted when the choice was made. However, it hadn’t worked out the way that it was meant to and of course, it hadn’t. They weren’t close enough to the bomb as they should’ve been. Ray had stayed in their information room. 

He thought that since it was located close enough to the center of the building where the bomb had been planted all those months ago, but it hadn’t been enough. The walls reinforcing the room that he resided in were stronger than he expected. They crashed and crumbled around him but not enough as they needed to. 

Because of that, the next memories that either one of them had were written in fire. Agony in words that neither could explain. Saeran didn’t like to think about those moments anymore as it had been two years since the failed attempt to end their life. He didn’t want to think about what it felt like to lay in the dirt for hours with open wounds until Jihyun found them.

Those moments had been so intense that neither he nor Ray could figure out who had been awake for most of the accident. It was in the past now. But, it wasn’t in the past. Neither one of them could truly escape those memories or those experiences because it was burned into their skin forever. The scar took up a considerable chunk of their body on one side. 

Ray couldn’t stomach looking at their reflection. But, Saeran had seen it time and time again because he had to tend to the wounds when Jihyun couldn’t. The marred skin was ugly, abrasive, and felt like he’d been scrubbed raw. His shoulder was burned considerably on the back and the heat had traveled from the back to the front, winding up his throat and onto his face. 

Doctors had said he was lucky that it didn’t destroy his eye. It crept up his throat and onto his cheek but sat just below his eye. That wasn’t the only spot that they’ve been burned but the burns on the upper body were far more visible than the scars that lingered on his hip and thigh. These markings had been burned into them as a reminder. 

No matter what Ray did, no matter what Saeran did, and no matter what either one of them did, they would never escape Mint Eye and the hold that it placed upon them. You couldn’t run away from your own body. No matter how you tried to cover it up and pretend that it didn’t exist, it was there and it’d always be there.

Saeran was the one that was holding onto that hurt and suffering much stronger than Ray was. But, it was better for Ray that way. He was trying to come to terms with everything that had happened and he was trying to make use of himself in the only way that he knew how. He got a job working with the first people that would hire someone with scars like his. 

Most people didn’t even want to hire him because they assumed that his scars meant trouble, and even if they didn’t say it, the way that they looked at him the entire time they were asking him questions in regards to his experience and history, they always stared. It made him uncomfortable. The sad part was that Ray didn’t have to subject himself to that experience over and over again. 

He could’ve lived in the bunker with his twin brother and done nothing but stare at the clouds for the rest of the day if he wanted. Ray couldn’t exist without proving himself. He felt like he owed his life to others and like he always had to prove that he could matter. It was a bad habit that he’d learned in Mint Eye that wasn’t going to go away in a day… or two. 

Either way, he was trying to provide something to the household that he was now living in because he wanted to. Saeran wasn’t going to stop him because he seemed to enjoy helping other people. But, at the first sign of someone trying to hurt him or manipulate him? He would shut it down just as soon as it had started. 

It was the same feeling that he had about Saeyoung Choi. 

Saeran wasn’t going to lie. He still had a lot of twisted feelings about his twin. There were times when he felt like Saeyoung was a threat to them and like he needed to lash out. Anger was all he knew and it was the only thing that kept him sustained, but it couldn’t be like that anymore. They weren’t in Mint Eye and the world didn’t work on a hierarchy of destruction. 

That didn’t take away his anger, though. 

Nothing would ever be able to remove that frustration from his chest. It was a part of who he was and existing without anger just wasn’t something that he knew how to do. Saeran was still someone who’d been taught to be the incarnation of cruelty but he didn’t know how to cope without it. It was just a fact for him. 

He was supposed to be angry to protect them and without that, he didn’t know who he was. When they had been taken by Jihyun to recover from their injuries, he was the one that stepped up because Ray wasn’t able to be there when their pain was so palpable. Saeran grits his teeth and bore that pain because Ray couldn’t be the one to suffer from it. 

Jihyun was there all the time with them. He tried, Saeran would say that about those first few weeks, he tried to understand everything that had happened to them that he didn’t understand. They… they had been the one to inform Jihyun about Ray and Saeran being different people. The fact that nobody had acknowledged them as separate people for such a long time hurt.

Rika had only done that because she wanted to bend them to her whims. Saeran only listened because she was the one that was supposedly not going to abandon him… and yet, she left them behind just as quickly as she made that promise. Saeran didn’t know who they were supposed to trust. 

It took weeks of being trapped with Jihyun and his trying to pass the olive branch for Saeran to even—

Consider listening to him. 

Jihyun didn’t give up on him, or Ray, even, though. 

He kept trying despite how many times Saeran screamed at him and despite how many times Ray begged him to stay away so he didn’t get hurt. It took weeks for the two of them to hit rock bottom before Jihyun was able to properly sit down with both of them separately to apologize for his mistakes one by one.

Jihyun quickly realized that Saeran was the one that he needed to talk to first. He confronted him first because Saeran wouldn’t let Jihyun get any closer to Ray if he pushed. They had a long conversation in that cabin they shared about being abandoned and left behind and what the intention was. 

And for some reason, Saeran decided to listen to him in detail if only to make him shut up. Jihyun was nothing but a roach that wanted to babble over and over again without dying. Saeran learned about everything that happened and how Saeyoung had tried to protect them by leaving them. How it had been Jihyun and the agency that tricked his brother from day one. They had all been played for fools from the start. 

Jihyun made a lot of mistakes but he never intended for Saeran or Ray to wind up where they did. He had been trying to protect them but after he and Rika fought, he made the mistake of thinking that he could trust her alone with Saeran with how odd she’d been acting. He knew that something was wrong after she refused to continue seeking help at therapy. 

However, he’d never imagined that she’d been building Mint Eye. He didn’t know about that. He had only found out because after she ran away and Saeran disappeared, he found the blueprints in the old apartment that he’d bought for her with his money. He realized what happened after he chased them down. 

His fatal mistake had been not involving one of his friends to rescue Saeran. He felt ashamed of his failures and thought that he had no choice but to do it alone to avoid putting Saeran at risk of his father finding him. He could never get close enough to Ray or Saeran, and that’s why they had been trapped so long. 

There was no excuse, Jihyun admitted. No matter what he said, he was prepared to be hated for the rest of this life for his choices. He failed them, and he hung his head, sinking to his hands and knees to say he was sorry. He stayed like that for a while, it was almost pitiful that he was the one begging Saeran for punishment this time. 

Saeran had once been scared of what Jihyun could do because of what Rika lied to him about and manipulated him into believing… seeing Jihyun in the dirt like this, eyes heavy with tears and body weighed down with the chains of guilt? It was pitiful. He couldn’t even bring himself to hate this pitiful man anymore. 

He would never admit it. He wasn’t going to let his heart open up again, but if it meant that it was going to help Ray? Saeran would at least not ruin whatever chance Ray had at happiness. He was the one that could survive if they were going to live any life beyond this. Saeran didn’t want to let himself hope again. 

But, Ray? 

Ray had hope in his heart. 

He’d scoffed at him and said, “I won’t punish you. If you’re looking for punishment, it looks like you’re doing a good job of hurting yourself more than I could, or hell, as much as Rika could’ve hurt you. Don’t get it twisted, I can’t forgive you for failing to help us. But Ray is the one that deserves the fucking apology, not me. He’s the one that has cared about you even after she tried to make us hate you.”

It was nearly erased from their memory, but after he gave Jihyun a chance for Ray, he handed something to him that he thought was gone forever from sight... The diary that Saeyoung brought home from the church one day for Saeran to use. It had everything in it until the day that they were kidnapped away from their home. 

Proof. 

Tangible proof that they existed outside of Mint Eye and they hadn’t been abandoned… written in ink, days of being stalked by someone until it happened. It wasn’t their father. It had been Rika the entire time that Saeran felt paranoia crawling underneath his skin. Nevertheless, Saeran pushed those feelings away and let Ray have his moment. 

They spent two years with Jihyun trying to recover from their injuries and unlearn the hatred that had been burned into their skin. Saeran could make no promises that he wouldn’t explode if Saeyoung ever got too close to them. Ray felt a similar way about it but it was far more likely that Saeran would be the one to lash out if push came to shove. 

It wasn't like he intended to do anything irrational. 

It was simply just the fact that their brother had become so intertwined with this ugly feeling. Months of being gaslit and manipulated over and over again while elixir was forced down your throat, was not healthy for your psyche. And whether either one of them liked it or not, There was nothing they could do to turn off the instinctual reaction to run away or lash out when they were around Saeyoung.

Even after two years of being able to talk about some of the things that bothered them and some of the things that got under their skin about what happened, no amount of talking was ever going to make a difference in the way of actually being around their brother. 

It was the one thing to say that you were ready to handle something but it was another can of worms entirely to face the product of your uncertainty. 

And, Saeran had done that. 

They returned to Seoul with Jihyun after time had passed and confronted Saeyoung. It had been very overstimulating for Ray. He stood there as his brother embraced him, with silent tears pouring down his face as the realization that Saeyoung still cared about him washed over him all at once. Saeran was not quite as keen on that feeling. 

He only stomached it for Ray. If Ray ever made it known that he didn’t want to stay with Saeyoung anymore, he would find a way for them to leave. Ray had a long talk with Saeyoung after the party with Jihyun at his side and they spoke about some of what had happened at Mint Eye and how he wasn’t Saeran, but how he was still his brother. 

Ray had been so scared of not only the idea that Saeyoung wouldn’t want him around but also that he wasn’t going to be accepted because he wasn’t Saeran, per se. Saeran had been prepared to speak up if he had to if Saeyoung turned Ray away. 

But… Saeyoung didn’t. He didn’t understand but he made a point of trying to understand. Trying… trying to make amends for the past. Not that it was perfect. Saeyoung would do things that would set Ray without knowing it. 

Loud noises, for sure, were a trigger for him. The first couple of times that Saeyoung had set Ray off, Saeran came out to tell him off for it and it got heated. He had a lot more than he usually intended to say, but that was because he’d been biting his tongue for such a long time about how he felt about Saeyoung. 

For the most part, he avoided Saeyoung because he wasn’t ready to deal with that conversation in perfect clarity. He was dealing with it in therapy alongside Ray. They both had their struggles to deal with when it came to surviving and coping with the wounds of their past, and the least that he could give Saeyoung credit for was that he was willing to wait. 

Either way, life was different than the way it was when they were in Mint Eye. Every day was different and it was kind of a mess. Life was supposed to be messy, though, as far as he knew. Ray had taken to trying to push himself into his work to get a distraction from his thoughts. 

Being alone in the bunker wasn’t so bad, but it wasn’t ideal.

He didn’t get as much fresh air as he wanted and he was getting that at his job. It was better for him to have it. If he could have nothing else, all he wanted was the sunshine. In stark contrast to the bitterness that Saeran felt, Ray had that glimmer of hope whenever he was around something bright and cheerful for once. 

Saeran just didn’t know how he enjoyed himself at that job knowing that he had to wear a stupid uniform for it. Not just any uniform, he was wearing a maid outfit, and he didn’t seem bothered by it in the slightest. He kind of liked it… a lot more than he was willing to admit to anyone, but Saeran knew what he was feeling about it. 

At the very least, he was doing something that made him feel better about his place in the world. The little bed and breakfast that he worked at was rustic and had the allure of nature to it. He wanted to tend the gardens but that job had been taken by the owner’s child. 

As it turned out, Ray figured out who that was very fast. If only because you had caught his eye in the same way that someone else had. Saeran had a bad feeling about it… but he didn’t want to think that Ray was dumb enough to fall for it again. But he did. Ray fell for you faster than he had fallen for that person and it pulled under the water in a matter of seconds. 

You were kind to him every time you spoke to him… giving him a hand with his tasks without being asked, always making sure that he was okay, and treating him like he was human. You were the first person that Ray had ever met that hadn’t looked at the scar. You always looked into Ray’s eyes and Saeran didn’t discount that.

He held a lot of distrust in the world and though he was a bitter man, he could see that your intentions were good. However, their intentions had been good and they had ripped Ray’s hearts to shreds in a matter of days. You couldn’t blame Saeran for being uneasy about Ray opening his heart again. It put not only his heart at risk, but Saeran’s as well. 

Not that you had met Saeran, yet. 

No, he never intended on getting involved with Ray’s business unless he had to do it. It had been weeks since you had caught Ray’s hands in your own and asked him if he might like to go on a date with you and Ray took the offer. His heart had never felt so weightless when you smiled at him. He had been all smiles for the past couple of weeks thanks to you.

It was probably the brightest that Ray had been in a very long time. However, that didn’t mean that he was doing well. He was overwhelmed with the possibility that he might hurt you by making a mistake at some point. That was one of Ray’s biggest problems. He would stop himself from taking what he wanted because he feared he wasn’t good enough. 

Well, if you saw Ray dressed in that ridiculous dress and decided that you wanted to kiss him and hold his hands so snuggly? You weren’t going to get hurt by him, nor were you going to hurt him. At least, you weren’t going to do it on purpose. 

As a matter of fact, until this very moment, you had done not a thing to set off an alarm bell for Ray as others had. The world couldn’t always be blissful and peaceful, though. Saeran was the realist and Ray was the dreamer. It was always going to be a matter of time until something went wrong and he was the one prepared for it, not Ray. 

Like today, for example, you hadn’t intended to drop those plates when you were helping Ray clean up for the evening… but you did, and the sound made Ray so uncomfortable that he snapped away from the front and Saeran wound up taking control. He blinked a few times in confusion as he realized just where he was. 

He hadn’t been co-conscious or around when it happened, he just knew that Ray jolted so hard that he couldn’t handle it. Loud noises frightened him without reason. The sound of the bomb had rattled his mind so much that every time he heard one noise that was louder than a natural voice, he would shiver and shudder until he went catatonic. 

Saeran didn’t want to fuck up anything that he had with you. He had to bite his tongue to ignore that urge to tell you off for scaring Ray. You winced without knowing what your little mistake had done to Ray, trying to pick up the shards of glass without much success. He couldn’t just let you deal with that and get cut. 

Ray would make such a fuss if that happened. It was irritating enough that he had to tend to things when he was wearing this outfit but you had to add an extra layer of trouble to what he was doing, didn’t you? 

“Don’t bother picking it up,” his voice was deeper than Ray’s, gruffer when he spoke without intending to be, as he sank to his knees to pick up the mess. “That’s my job, anyway. Go tend to your garden while I take care of this.” 

“I made the mess, Ray, I should clean it up,” you tried to shake your head at him. You lifted another piece of glass but recoiled when you nicked your finger. You put your finger in your mouth to slow down the blood from seeping out any faster. “Alright… alright… you made your point. I’ll go and clean this up.” 

Saeran scoffed when you said that. The last that he checked, you were just as clumsy as Ray was. You had often sported bandages and wraps around your hands because you kept having accidents in the kitchen or the garden. 

You didn’t know how to handle yourself. No wonder Ray wanted to take care of you. You were a walking time-bomb that had crashed into his life without anyone asking for it. He wanted to press his hands against his temples to turn down the headache that he knew was coming for him. One dumb thing at a time, he reminded himself. 

“That might as well be my job, too,” he said, bluntly. If you noticed that he was far brasher than your precious Ray, he didn’t have the time to worry about. “Go wait in the other room. I’ll take care of this and then I’ll deal with your wounds.” 

You raised your hand in mock defense and decided to take his advice. You went to wait in the other room while he cleaned up the mess. It didn’t take him very long to piece things together and tend to your wounds. You behaved for him the whole time, at least. He didn’t try to make too much talk with you because he doubted that he’d be dealing with you firsthand much. 

There was something peculiar about you, though. You noticed the change in attitude and how standoffish he was treating you now. Maybe you could take a hint and learn to avoid making a ruckus for Ray’s sake. His shoulders were still tense from the impact. Though sounds didn’t affect him quite as much as they affected Ray, it still lingered in his body like an aftershock.

Your eyes weren’t ugly… your smile wasn’t so bad. He wanted to trust someone with Ray but it was hard to do that when there was hardly anyone that Ray wanted to be around. You were the only one that he liked. 

The only other people that Ray was around were the RFA and they… they weren’t all that bad but their friendship felt like pity. Although, he wouldn’t admit that he couldn’t be around them because of Jihyun and that…. that person that had once meant everything to Ray. They were happy now, and Jihyun had promised to keep them happy forever. 

But, Ray hurt when he saw them because that was his first love and who he thought to be his only love. It was better that he didn’t interact with them as much. It was okay now and again but he didn’t want to draw out his suffering. He wanted to move on from that pain. As long as they were happy, Ray was happy for them. 

He’d kept this job mostly secret from Saeyoung apart from saying that he worked here and that he was having a good time doing it. He hadn’t even talked about you to anyone other than his therapist. You were that important to him. You were someone that he wanted to cherish and hold close to his heart so Saeran would try his best to keep that safe. 

“Thanks…” 

“Try not to break your neck while you’re at it next time.” 

That laugh that escaped you wasn’t one that he expected but it did steady some of his nerves about messing something up. He always assumed that he would say something brash and hurt your precious feelings until you told them to leave. He’d considered it before he saw the way that you’d treated Ray. 

Pushing you away before you hurt him. 

But, now you, unfortunately, meant a lot to Ray and there was no taking that away. 

Once he was sure that you wouldn't wind up hurting yourself anymore that day, he decided that that was enough for today. It was the end of Ray’s shift anyway. You didn't do much when he was leaving apart from letting your fingers linger against him for a brief moment. 

He felt a faint spark when you touched him but he ignored it. 

Your longing smile wasn’t meant for him.

Saeran thought that that would be the end of it. But, Ray was skittish and as it turned out, that had jostled him so much that he wasn’t coming out to talk to him at all. He groaned at the silence. It wasn’t often that they couldn’t communicate with one another but this was one of the rare occasions where he just couldn’t reach Ray. 

It meant that if Ray didn’t come around, he would be going to his job in the morning because God forbid he miss a single day of work, and the careful secret that he had been crafting went to hell. That was what happened, too, Saeran woke up the next morning and had to get ready for work, hoping that Ray would come around before noon.

This was his job. 

Ray’s job was being a maid, but Saeran’s job was making sure that Ray kept that job he liked so much in the first place. Of course, he had to add a little something to make that silly uniform comfortable for him. 

Instead of kicking on the shoes that Ray normally put on, he yanked out the Doc Martens and some ripped thigh-highs to at least make the outfit more… deadly. As menacing as he could make it and get away with next to the frilly dress of a uniform. It could’ve been worse. He hadn’t bothered to tame their hair, either. He preferred when it was messy, anyway. 

Saeran took care of the daily tasks as quickly and simply as he could. It didn’t take long since it was the quiet season and not a lot of travelers were passing through the area looking for a place to stay. It wasn’t long before he ran out of things to do and he sighed, leaning his forehead against the doorway that led to the garden where you were. 

You were always out there and when you weren’t, you were probably wandering the halls to find a reason to help Ray or to chat with your parents. You didn’t live here but you did live close in a very quiet cottage just off of the main road that you loved. You hadn’t had the time to invite Ray over quite yet but you’d shown him pictures of the progress on it as you were styling it. 

Those flowers you tended were part of the reason why Ray cared about you so much in the first place, and he wasn’t wrong. You had put a lot of hard work into what you did. The garden shined brightly because of your actions. Ray’s tips had only helped you even more than your talent had already given you the credit for. 

Presently, you were returning from the shed, a hand swiping at your brow as the spring sunshine bore down on your face. You caught sight of him standing there and you waved with a laugh on your lips. He wasn’t sure why. You were kind of an enigma to him but you meant well. He wasn’t angry about it or anything. 

“Trying a new style?” your eyes darted down to his legs when you paused in front of him. Your tone was hard for him to read. 

“Yeah, so?” he countered just as quickly as the thought came to his mind. If he was going to be around you then he would at least use the chance to see what kind of person you are. “What of it, then? Were you that attached to the other shoes?”

You pressed a hand to your lips upon noticing the way his brows feathered. “No, no. I like it. I guess I’m just used to seeing you in uniform all the time. It’s been a while since I’ve seen you dressed in other ways. I didn’t expect you to have that kind of look in your closet.” 

“Should I expect your entire wardrobe to be overalls and button-ups, then?” Saeran asked. The way he chided you wasn’t as sharp as he intended because you sputtered and giggled as if it was a joke. Your laughter came as a surprise to him. “I mean, if I were to think that way about you, I would assume you always look like you shopped at the farm outlet.”

You shrugged. “You got me there, Ray. I can’t argue with that theory.” 

A comfortable silence washed over the two of you before you looked away from him. You set down the box in your hands and then offered your hand to him. He stared at it for a moment before you decided to grasp at his hand yourself. Your hand was warm. It was unlike the cold feeling that he was used to when he was alone. 

Was this the feeling that Ray desired so strongly? This warmth that you shared? It wasn’t like how it felt with them. It always felt like Ray was tripping over his own feet to try and impress them but it just never worked out. But, this? This was something else. This feeling was like a buzzing that you couldn’t ignore. 

“...Hey, Ray?” 

“...What?”

“I’m really… I’m sorry about yesterday. I realize that I might’ve done something wrong to upset you. I don’t want to make you talk about something that you’re not ready to talk about, but if I did or said anything… to make you upset, you’d tell me, right? Because I want to apologize if I did something wrong.” 

Saeran hesitated. That had not been what he expected you to say and he wasn't sure what he was supposed to say in response. Nobody had ever been genuine with them to the point where they both apologized without even knowing what they had done wrong. You had no way of knowing what you had done by accident but you still wanted to make things right. 

He studied the way your face looked for the longest moment. They had been down this road before with trusting other people, And the last thing that he wanted to do was let him get involved with someone that was going to use the sensitive information about them that they learned against them. Saeran was never going to let the same thing happen twice.

Even though he was wary to trust anyone, Saeran Saw nothing in those eyes of yours that said that you were going to hurt them. From the way that your eyes held genuine compassion and to the way that your gentle touch invaded his senses… As much as he didn't want to admit it, he could sense nothing in you that said that you were lying to him about this.

Saeran wasn't ready to open himself up in the way that Ray had.

But it was at that moment after having spent weeks trying to get to know you secondhand through Ray’s thoughts and comments, as well as his perspective of you from the background… He felt like he could say that he trusted you. His trust wasn't something that he gave away very easily and it wasn't something that someone should take lightly.

His trust in other people could be rescinded very easily and very quickly as well. But there was nothing about you that held malice. Your smile was simply something that he felt like he could trust Ray with, and for the first time in a very long time, he felt like he could say that Ray was safe with someone who he wanted to be close to.

Saeran was going to blame it on the fact that your smile felt like sticky caramel. Quietly, he squeezed your hand back as you looked at him curiously. “Listen, loud noises are scary for… when you dropped those plates, it just… it reminded Ray, I mean… It reminded me of something very bad. I can’t talk about what happened without getting upset but I appreciate that you wanted to apologize for it. You didn’t know.” 

You simply nodded. You understood and took that at face value. You didn’t even ask another question about it. He didn’t expect you to react like that. He didn't understand how someone could be so… he didn't understand how someone could be so… Respectful? Ray was right to liken you to some kind of angel or whatever sap he said. 

“Okay,” you smiled. “I’ll try to work on that. I’m sorry, again. I’ll do my best to make sure that there’s nothing too loud like that if I can help.” 

Saeran managed a simple, “...Thank you.” 

He wasn't great at this whole communication thing but you were easy going and that kind of helped. For now, you had his blessing with Ray. Maybe in the future, he would be willing to show himself to you but for now… he was going to leave you until he was ready as long as he had a say in any of this. 

Ray would be fine with you. He wanted to have faith in that… even as tired as he was. Maybe someday he would be ready to let you know him. He just… needed more time to find himself. He spent the rest of the afternoon talking with you about this and that until the day was over but at some point, it felt like he slipped away and Ray came back without his knowledge. 

About time, he would think and let Ray return if he wanted. 

That evening, Ray would ask you if anything… strange had happened and you would smile at him and shake your head. He knew that Saeran would’ve been around and even though the two of them were working together most of the time now respectfully and without too much trouble, a part of Ray did worry that Saeran might’ve scared you without meaning to. 

So, he was surprised when you said that “Ray, you’ve been making me laugh all afternoon. I didn’t know you had a sense of humor like that.” 

Ray stared down at his lap for the longest time, a faint smile on his face. He and Saeran hadn’t always seen eye to eye but… knowing that Saeran had treated you right meant that he approved of you and that he was okay with this relationship. 

Feeling your hand clasped tightly around his own, he knew that the future looked a lot better than it did before. 

And this time, it would be happier for Saeran, too. 


End file.
